5-9-11 RAW REVIEW: Two Men and a Little Rey Rey

RAW starts out fast out of the gate with Alberto Del Rio coming out to the ring. King wishes that someone wold tell Ricardo to change the oil in his hair. Michael Cole says "1985 strikes again." Lawler says that Cole was working at McDonalds at that point so how would he know?

Del Rio talks about his destiny again. I love Del Rio, but the destiny thing is getting a little stale. He said he doesn't understand why they wasted time on The Rock's birthday when it should have been a celebration of his arrival on RAW.

Del Rio announces that the WWE Champion is John Cena. Cena gets the normal mixed pop with the adult male part of the audience booing and the kids and females cheering. I don't think WWE understands the problem it has with babyfaces and heels right now. The line is so blurred. Its a bad sign when your top babyface gets as many boos as cheers. Maybe I'm old fashioned, anyway..

Del Rio says he should be facing John Cena. Rey Mysterio takes exception to this and makes his way out. Rey says Del Rio is no more worthy of a title shot than he is. He tells him that his destiny is to be Ricardo Rodriguez's personal ring announcer. Ricardo seems to very much enjoy this. Rey challenges Del Rio to match.

Del Rio calls Rey a little Chihauha. He is interrupted by The Miz with Alex Riley. Miz says really about 5 times. Miz says that RAW is still his show, which gets a mix of boos and cheers. The top heel is a tweener too. Oh good. Del Rio says Miz had his chance and he didn't get the job done. He tells Miz to get to the back of the line.

Miz throws Alex Riley under the proverbial bus and says he wants a legitimate rematch. He says the Del Rio and Rey can fight each other in a Taco Bell parking lot for all he cares. Ouch.

Oh no, here comes R Truth. Gross. He's talking to himself as he comes down. He tells us how much he hates hospital food. We finally get the pay off that John Morrison is eating a lot of hospital food right now because R Truth hurt his neck. What does this have to do with the WWE Title?

R Truth tells everyone in the ring that he doesn't have a problem with everyone in the ring being hooked up to the same IV and bedpan. That seems unsanitary. R Truth calls The Miz Kermit. Obviously he is a WrestlingGold reader. He calls Rey bottle nose. Huh? He calls Del Rio a fence jumper and liver lips. Liver lips? I haven't heard that one since I watched Grumpy Old Men last.

Truth says he's going to face Cena and the annoying Raw General Manager tone hits. Cole reads the message. He says he received it on his Ipad but he's clearly reading it off of a laptop. Ha. It is announced there will be a triple threat match between The Miz, Del Rio, and Rey for the #1 contendership.

R Truth singles out Rey and says he shouldn't be in the match. Apparently we're setting up a match between them at Over The Limit. I think the writing on Truth's jacket was done with sharpy marker.

The Miz tells Del Rio and Rey that they are day laborers. The Miz tries to say he is the next champion but Ricardo cuts him off and says Del Rio's name instead. Funny stuff. Del Rio loves it. Alex Riley his Del Rio and Ricardo drop kicks Alex Riley. Ha. Go Twiki. Mysterio takes out Del Rio with a plancha.

We are back to the ring and The Bella Twins are already in the ring. Do we just not do entrances anymore? Even wrestlers that are not jobbers have their entrances skipped. Barry Horowitz is sitting at home watching feeling better about his career.

The Bella Twins are facing Eve and Kelly Kelly. Eve and Kelly win in a very short match thankfully when Kelly Kelly reverses a pin into a small package.

Here comes Kharma. They're doing a great job with this. The Bella Twins sneak out leaving Kelly Kelly and Eve in the ring. Kharma attacks a babyface for the first time and lays out Eve with the implant buster after the camera misses her giving Eve a clothesline/forearm when Eve attempts to get the preemptive strike.

Up next we have Mason Ryan with CM Punk vs. Big Show with Kane. Great CM Punk players manager tonight. Mason Ryan and Zek Jackson have the same Uranage finisher. They should probably do something about that. The match is thrown out as the rest of Nextus come down after Ryan and Punk get laid out. Ryan gets a double chokeslam for his trouble.

Next we have Dolph Ziggler. Oh I'm sorry, the new and improved Dolph Ziggler vs. Santino. Why does Santino get TV time every week? As usual Santino spends more time setting up the Cobra than actually doing it and Ziggler hits the ZigZag. I always thought blonds had more fun but apparently when you become a brunette you become the future of Monday Night Raw.

They show the Smackdown replay of Orton vs. Christian. Spoiler alert, it will be announced on Smackdown this week that Christian will be getting a rematch at Over The Limit.

R Truth is caught backstage. He does his best Jericho impression and continues to call his situation a conspiracy because parents want him to dance again? I don't get it.

Zack Ryder spotting! Him and John Cena are backstage and Zack is teaching him to fist pump. Ryder continues to fist pump as Cena is almost completely down the hallway. I'm really hoping that big pop was for Zack.

We skip backstage to The Miz and Alex Riley having a lover's spat backstage. Alex Riley says he will make it up to The Miz tonight.

Alex Riley decides making it up to The Miz is to challenge John Cena to a match. I'm sure The Miz would be super pumped if Riley won the title instead of him. Cena wins the match with the STF and Riley sells being hurt.

 

Cole cuts a promo. It looks like this foolishness will continue at Over the Limit. Back to Lawler vs. Cole it appears. Cole says he's retiring, which means there is an even better chance of him wrestling even more.

Cole makes comments about Lawler's dead mother and Lawler is beaten up by Swagger. Yawn.

Jack Swagger than takes on Kofi Kingston. Kingston hits Trouble in Paradise after Lawler distracts Swagger.

Lawler attacks Cole now. Cole's facial expressions when Lawler has a hold of his tie were pretty comical. I'm just not as into this crap as everyone else apparently is. I've said it a million times but it just keeps a better performer off of PPV/TV.

It's main event time. Del Rio, Rey, and The Miz have a very fun triple threat match. I'd say it was good enough for PPV. It looks as if Rey is going to win the match but Alex Riley drags Rey off Del Rio before the 3 count. Miz uses the opportunity to role up Rey for the three count and the #1 contendership.

Cena comes out and announces the main event at Over The Limit will be him and The Miz in an I Quit match. R Truth attacks Rey Mysterio as we fade to black. I'm not comfortable with the last image of any show being R Truth.

It was a decent RAW where they did get setting up half of the Over The Limit PPV out of the way. The main event definitely saved the show.